What Have I Done?

It's about twenty past one in the morning, and I have a very strong urge to cut myself. Today, I've eaten an entire serving of fried rice with chicken, beef, and shrimp, a large ice cream sundae, chips and guacamole, six carnitas fajitas, and a large beer... and I haven't purged any of it. While I've been able to purge some of my food over the past week at my parent's house, it's been pretty difficult. I have no idea how much I weigh right now, and I'm terrified of what the scale will say tomorrow. I've already put on about five pounds, if I'm remembering correctly what I weighed when I left California last week. I'm so disappointed in myself right now. Instead of getting back down to my goal weight, I'm getting farther away from it. Well, I'm not going to wait until I finally get home on Thursday to start fixing this awful mess. I'm going to start immediately. Tomorrow, it's zero food and the treadmill, as long as I can stand it. If I can even make it until Saturday to eat, all the better. I just want to be pretty and thin. Goodnight, moon.